in me i trust

the Prompt O' the Day is brought you to by sunday scribblings: "trust".

i have no idea who my biological parents are. at this point, i dont care, because i had a great couple adopt me when i was a baby. and my life had been good up until age 7.

and then they were taken from me. "taken" as in killed. freeway pileup.

i got dropped back in the system and as you may or may not know--the older you are, the harder it is to be placed.

at 15, my case worker found a couple that actually wanted an older child. she thought it was a pretty sweet deal and for a minute--literally--i thought it was, too. until i had to change my first name. bad mistake, but that's neither here nor there. i was ready for a little bit more permanency so i sacrificed a little sumpin-sumpin'.

despite the life they tried to make for me in manhattan, they quickly became The FCFH (The Foster Couple From Hell). being given everything you want--excluding artificial love--can be a heady thing. they never treated me bad, mind you, but i guess i was there "trophy child." its pretty much the same concept as the trophy wife, just with a kid instead of an adult.

to make a long story real short, i discovered The FCFH were involved in something illegal, i took it to the authorities, who in turn tossed it to the feds, i did a little haggling...and now im in the desert with a new name, a new life, and a job as an informant for The Company.

ill mention a guy named Chief on here quite a bit. hes my handler, so to speak. hell look out for me until im 18, but hes not my legal guardian.

i trust that he will protect me--both figuratively and literally (if it comes to that).

but theres always going to be that tiny, closely guarded corner of my heart that says "the only person you can trust is yourself." i think its a prerequisite for foster kids or something. maybe i shouldnt limit that to foster care. that probably goes for any kid thats been let down, seen too much, been thru too much to even believe anymore.

i can freely admit that im a product of my environment.

year 7 was a craptacular year for me and its like my life went downhill after that.

nothing was ever as great and sometimes it feels like itll never be great again. my life now suits me just fine. its not great but it's good.

ive been in this new life for 6 months.

maybe ill reevaluate after being in it for a year. or so.