Informant U: Trick #4

fake jobs

sometimes snitches pretend to be law abiding workers and hold a certain job to help them steal information. in this case, my job is pretending to be a high school student when ive already graduated from high school. but i have to attend all the classes and do the homework, so im not pretending am i? and what about my job at charlotte russe? im workin’ my ass off at the place and have to pass out Stupid Citations. definitely not pretending there.

Informant U: Word #3

secret signals

The Company version: thumbtacks, chalk, tape used to send messages

my version: two eye blinks + the "ok" sign + right toe tap + a neck bob + one eyebrow lift = "oh no she di-dnt. that bitch is lyin'."

Informant U: Tip #3

if you know you’re in over your head, get the hell out (but make sure the “officials” got yer back first).


and thats exactly what i did. and ended up here, with Chief, at CSA, w/ peeps like GQ and Party Gurl.

Informant U: Trick #3

hiding places

Many times a snitch will put secret information in a package and leave it so other people can pick it up. A package may be very big, wrapped in a plastic bag, or very small and hidden where you would never think to look. It would be like leaving the extra key to your house in a hollow rock near the door.

or, you know, tossing that 45 magnum you just fired off at your job in the freezer.

just sayin’.

Informant U: Word #2

counterintelligence

The Company’s version: u.s. experts who gather info about people or groups expected of spying.

my version: a teen orphan whom you hired–becuz she can do it better than you–to gather info about people or groups expected of spying. and doing other..nasty…stuff.

Informant U: Tip #2

have another job to fall back on

which is why i havent been posting more regularly. i work The Other Job at the mall twice a week. sometimes on weekends, too. its always important to have another job to fall back on when youre snitching. this gives you something to talk about with your friends. besides, your friends will probably have jobs too and you dont want to look like a complete idiot when theyre talking about their jobs and you dont have one.

Informant U: Trick #2

secret meeting times and places

when spies want to set up meetings, or want to pass information to their connections, like updates or packages, they sometimes use secret methods. this may include hidden meanings in everyday things like newspapers, dates, clothing, or conversation. sometimes meeting times can be hidden in reading materials.

ok, truth? i have yet to do this. any of this. it sounds so espionage-ish, b-rate spy movie and thats not how i work. my connection is Chief. straight up. no hidden fees. the meeting place is his house. every sunday. rain or shine (well, when it does rain, that is).

however, im sure the baddie in my current story is very familiar with these tactics.

Informant U: Word #1

agent-in-place

a person who stays in his or her regular job but is actually in that job to get secret information and spy.

i can honestly say that i am an agent-in-place. At CSA.

Informant U: Tip #1

be sure to have a trusted contact person

and no, im not talking about your best friend, the bum on the street or the barista behind the counter at the starbucks you go to every morning. im talking about the person who goes and reports back to someone official. someone whos not going to screw you over by turning you in. ya know, like on those cops shows? all the cops have a trusted source on the street and they always go to that source because they know the word. and that trusted source will always trust that cop because theyve never given up a name. see what i mean?

Chief is my trusted person. i know what he does for a living. its because of what he does that made me seek him out in the first place. and because of the person i am, Chief would cut off his own arm before screwing me over. but he was different. he was the deal breaker. no Chief, no agreement with The Company.
trusted sources dont have to be in an official capacity, though, like cops. newspaper reporters are pretty cool. or so ive heard. and those reporters on your local tv new stations arent exactly alien lifeforms.

just sayin’.

Informant U: Trick #1

dead drop

no, its not what you’re thinking. no ones dropping off dead bodies or killing anybody. its a place thats used to hide packages, messages or payments. like a garbage can in the park next to the tree by the merry-go-round. or y’know. something like that.

Informant U: How to become an informant...sort of

for the record, here’s the official statement on The Company’s use of informants:

“The courts have recognized that the government’s use of informants is
lawful and often essential to the effectiveness of properly authorized law
enforcement investigations. However, use of informants to assist in the
investigation of criminal activity may involve an element of deception,
intrusion into the privacy of individuals, or cooperation with persons whose
reliability and motivation may be open to question.

Although it is legally permissible for the The Company to use
informants in its investigations, special care is taken to carefully evaluate
and closely supervise their use so the rights of individuals under investigation
are not infringed. The Company can only use informants consistent with
specific guidelines issued by the Attorney General that control the use of
informants.”

so, about that specific guidelines thing? couldnt tell you what those would be. i dont remember reading about them, or having Chief read them to me when I signed my life away started my new life here. ive heard they sometimes use teenagers to help them catch online predators. they teach their agents how to talk like teenagers in chat rooms and stuff. doubt they get paid for it. they probably get like a plaque or a certificate. something lame like that.

in my case, you have to upstage The Company. You have to make them look bad, and make their agents seem like bumbling idiots like that inspector dude from the pink panther movies. should The Company ever approach you and offer you a position as an informant, you will want to haggle: “if you want me to do this for you, you have to do something for me.” and make sure its something big. and realistic. i mean, they cant make it so you dont have to pay taxes for the rest of your life. you would have to do something mongo like save the world. but they could buy you a car, a really expensive vacation or college tuition for all 4 years. or, ya know, a whole new life somewhere else (but this might depend on how long theyve been after the criminal in question).

hello. my name is draven atreides (say it with me now, dray-ven uh-tray-deez. very good boys and girls). im 16-yrs-old. And im a spy. yeah, okay, not really. im an informant actually. i mean, i dont travel to exotic places, i dont wear disguises, i dont handle or carry weapons (unless you count my Canon AE1), and i dont work for a top secret agency. well, three out of four isnt bad. let me explain.

you see, i was abandoned by my biological parents as a baby and i’ve spent all my life in the foster care system. i graduated from high school at the age of 13 (Yay for homeschooling). At 15, i ended up with the Foster Couple From Hell (hereafter referred to as The FCFH). i discovered their dirty little secret–the bastards–so i ratted them out to the local authorities. so, lucky me, when i decided to play tattletale, an agency with three letters (hereafter referred to as The Company) had been investigating The FCFH for years. so, being the good citizen that i am, i decided to help them out. The Company, that is. i cashed in my Get Out of Hell Free card. three months later, i got a new name, a new life…and a paying gig as an informant for The Company.

i am the creation of YA author Celise Downs. im the Queen Bee of her series, Draven Atreides, Teenage FBI. Book One, A Royale Pain, will be out Oct 23rd. love it. buy it. will be talking it up even more when she gets the damn book cover designed. get on it, sista girl!

just so you dont get lost in the scuffle of my life, here’s a little sumpin’-sumpin’ to help you out:

Oh Wise Creator (aka “OWC”) - Celise Downs
Chief - protector
Irish - Chief’s wife
GQ - gay guy bf
Party Gurl (aka PG) - gurl bf
The Company - the agency I work for
The Job - the informant gig
The Other Job - cover job at a retail store
Informant University (aka Informer U) - snitch tips, tricks and words posted on fridays
CSA (aka Craycroft School of the Arts) - the school I go to

this will make sense once you read the book. i promise you.

sooooo, thats about it.

in the meantime, im gonna give you a peek into my life.

this should be a hoot